Found this today and it’s the perfect scapegoat, I mean explanation for my crazy trip:
It’s clear now that it’s all genetic. The craziness is in my blood. I was born to wander on this journey:
“According to Dobbs, the mutant form of the DRD4 gene, 7r, results in people who are “more likely to take risks; explore new places, ideas, foods, relationships, drugs, or sexual opportunities,” he went on to say that bearers of this gene, “generally embrace movement, change, and adventure.”
Of course, there is the caveat at the end of the article:
“…while carriers of this genetic variant might be “incredibly resourceful, pioneering, creative,” and more predisposed for wanderlust, they also might be “utterly out of control.”
I either need to renew my passport or get serious help.
I once got my friend, Kristen, yelled at. It wasn’t intentional. I’d been saying things to make her laugh, and of course she did. Our boss fussed, saying she was being too loud and no one else could concentrate. Kristen looked at me, then asked, “why didn’t she yell at you too? You were the one talking.”
I thought to myself, well, duh, I know how to whisper. That quality defined most of my life. I was the kid no teacher remembered was there, the person sitting in the corner who nobody remembered coming to the party. I was, and still am, quiet.
But I’m learning not to whisper. Maybe the whole journey thing is a big shout out to the Universe to say, HEY, I’M STILL HERE! And I’m looking to do some yelling.
“I’m sitting here, all my worldly, and some not so worldly, possessions packed away in a 10×20 shed, wondering what the next step in my life will be. I’m an unemployed writer/historian/filmmaker and a mother/grandmother whose children have been supportive enough not to force me into a home when I told them what I planned. I own a car that is virtually theft-proof because it looks like one the Beverly Hillbillies would have turned their nose up at, and a dog that likes to throw things. So what’s the obvious next step for a woman like me?”
I wrote these words over three years ago. Believe me, the next step wasn’t obvious in the least. My hope was to write the next great “Woman on a Journey of Self-Discovery” bestseller. Turns out my new life was less of “Under the Tuscan Sun” and more of “In the Glow of the Wal-Mart Sign”. Still, it’s had its moments. So now I’m taking computer keyboard in hand and sharing life’s craziness. The first step is learning how to put together this space. In case you can’t tell (in which case you are worse off then I am), I’m winging it. Hopefully the visuals will get better with time. If you’re up to it, come and join me. Trust me, it’ll be fun…